Hey sis,
It's been a minute, I know, but LIFE has been happening. Junior year is well underway and I have been trying to keep up with school while dealing with living by myself and paying bills *sighs in distraught black girl*, friendships, relationships, family, and just taking care of myself. I will say, I have missed blogging and wish I didn't go as long without it, BUT...I'm back. I think it's time we have a talk sis, about situationships. I know a lot of us have experienced this weird undefined type of relationship, myself included. It destroys us. 9/10 we don't get past the "situationship" category and just keep going in circles.
What is a situationship? I'm sure you know, but i'll tell you anyways. According to the Single Woman Blog, "A Situationship is a romantic involvement between two people which include, but not limited to, frequent dating, house visits, (potential) parent meeting, (potential) friend sharing, sex, and the catching of feelings by at least one person. However, there are absolutely NO titles established in this union. No rules, no regulations, no responsibility, NO BOUNDARIES!"
I know this sounds familiar, especially as college students. When people ask if so and so is your boyfriend, you don't have a clear answer. The best thing you can say is, "he's my boo, but like we're not together yet, but really we are." Meanwhile, if he's asked if he has a girl, he's single and doing him. Does this ring a bell? Essentially, we as women, are entering into several months to years long undefined relationships. These relationships are complicated and leave us with stress, bad skin, depreciated self worth and wasted time. Why? Why are we settling for mediocre relationships with mediocre men who complain about doing simple things for and with us?
Whoever this guy is, because I know you have one or have experienced something similar. Let him go. It's hard, but it will save you heartbreak, time and tears. If a guy is serious about you, you will know. You won't have to question what you are to him by month five. He would put a title on it, period. I've heard guys say, "a title complicates things, but you know how I feel about you" or "what's understood doesn't need to be explained." To be quite frank, that's BS and we are dumb for falling for it. If he really cared and wanted to be with you long term, he would not leave you confused or insecure or without knowing where you stand in his life. This type of ambiguity gives him the leeway do anything that he wants. He's single, so he can talk to other girls. At this point, he doesn't owe you anything. He doesn't have to take you on dates or even text back when you message him. He doesn't have to claim you in public. You don't have to meet his family or his friends because like I said, he's SINGLE. You may think he's not, but he is.
The moral of the story is: GET. IT. TOGETHER. SIS. Stop falling for words with no actions. He can say "I love you" all he wants, but are his actions saying it? Stop putting this man's well being above yours. If he can't commit, drop him. If he won't claim you in public, don't let him "claim" you in private. You have to realize that you can't force a guy to do ANYTHING he doesn't want to do. Stop waiting for him to get his life together, because you'll be waiting for a long time. Stop focusing on potential, everyone has potential, but it doesn't mean they'll reach it. Stop falling for empty promises, if he's going to speak about it, he should be about it. At the end of the day, you are going to hurt yourself more by ignoring all the signs that HE shows you. He is not worth it. Live your life. Find happiness within yourself. One day, you'll find the man who will treat you like the QUEEN you are, without you asking. I've said this before and I will say it again, teach him how to treat you. If he knew better, he would do better. If you let him walk all over you, he will. If you keep taking him back, he will not change. If you settle for his mediocre treatment, he won't treat you better. He will waste your time for however long you let him.
Put yourself first. Flourish. This lil college boy will do nothing but bring you unwanted troubles, so don't stress him. Leave him in 2017 and boss your life up. Like I always say, you good, you poppin sis!
Love, Cherrelle
