I spent most of 2017 thinking one of two things. One, that my life was in shambles or two, that I was living my best life. There was no in between. As I reflect on this past year, I am realizing that every single experience I had was meant to help me grow. 2017 tore me down, but listen, I’m back and stronger than ever. I don't think I anticipated that I would deal with such intense challenges, mentally, physically and spiritually.
The other day my friend and I were laughing about how ridiculous and terrible 2017 was. We came to the conclusion that change comes when it feels like your world has turned upside down. So, here are a few lessons that I’ve learned in 2017 and some things I want to change in the new year.
1. DO NOT neglect your mental health.
I learned this the hard way. I am the type of person who buries things and thinks I can live life as if everything is okay. You WILL have a breaking point if you do this. I am just now making peace with a lot of things that happened this last year. Had I dealt with situations head on, I may not have fallen into a depression, maybe I would have been much happier. Your mental health matters, so take care of yourself.
2. Things don't always go how you want them to. And that's okay.
I am such a particular person. In some ways I have perfectionist tendencies. I have a master plan of my life and it seemed like every plan that I had this year...did not happen. What I learned this year is that life and God don't go by my rules. I was thoroughly disappointed and hurt in many situations when things didn't go my way. BUT IT'S OKAY. All that means is that those things were not meant to happen at THAT time. God has better planned for me or certain things were not meant to be for me, period. So I am learning to place everything in his hands.
3. Losing people may actually be a blessing in disguise.
I lost some people who were once very important to me this last year. With some people, I knew they added no value to my life and it was time. BUT, in some cases, I was thoroughly gutted, because these were people I loved and cared about. Like I said, these losses were blessings in disguise. Sometimes you grow out of people and they grow out of you. Some people are meant to be with you for certain seasons and when the time is up, God removes them from your life. If they are truly meant to be in your life, you'll connect with them again. I am still coming to terms with this, but I know everything happens for a reason.
4. Trust your gut. Trust your feelings. Trust yourself.
A big lesson that I learned this year is to not let anyone invalidate my feelings. This goes back to your mental health. If something doesn't feel right, figure out why. Look within yourself and find the answer. It doesn't matter if something happened today, last week or last year, you have the right to know why. This includes not allowing anyone to down play how you feel. If they don’t want to hear you, MAKE THEM HEAR YOU. They may not want to and they may not agree, but speak up. You feel how you feel for a reason and it's not to be ignored.
5. Not everyone is your friend.
I can be naive sometimes if I feel like i've come upon super cool people. I start to let my guard down. Hear me out, some people are meant to be school friends, some are meant to be going out friends, some are meant to be acquaintances, but not everyone can be your best friend. That's an earned and honorable title. A best friend is someone who you experience ups and downs with and they still stick around. A best friend is loyal and a best friend is someone that KNOWS you. When push comes to shove, they will fight for and with you. Not everyone can do that, just learn how to categorize people in your life. Not everyone deserves all your energy.
6. Surround yourself with supportive people.
I wouldn't have been able to get through a lot of situations this past year had it not been for a close support system. Meaning my family and friends. Cherish these people because for some, they are hard to come by.
7. It's okay to take time for yourself.
For me this meant, cutting off all social media for a while. This meant cutting out unnecessary people. This meant really getting down to the bottom of all my issues. This meant being real with myself. I did this and am doing it through prayer and meditation. I wrote a lot, to no one in particular, but I let out all my thoughts and feelings. I worked out and put a lot of time into just LOVING myself. I'm not finished with this self discovery journey, but it was a start.
8. Remember why you're doing what you're doing.
I have goals as do you, i'm sure. I don't plan on being an undergraduate student forever. I'm sure you don't plan on being in whatever stage of life that you're in right now forever. So, persevere and remember the end goal. Do not let anyone get in the way of your goals, I surely will not. I have places to be and goals to reach HONEY. So, i'm attacking this new year with a vengeance. I hope you do too.
9. You grow through what you go through.
Everything that I've dealt with has led me to become a stronger woman. God literally broke me down, just to build me back up. Honestly, trust the process, you will be down, but not for long. I thought I wouldn't get out of this funk, but I did and boy did I learn a lot about myself and others. So for this year, I am prepared for the blessings God has for me. I am also prepared for the storms because I know I will get through them
10. Finances
No one truly talks about this, but we're grown. Although I never wanted for anything growing up (my mom made sure of that), I still have to have it together. Learn to handle your money, SAVE UP. I had to learn to be reasonable and stop trying to live above my means, which meant I couldn't shop as much as I wanted to or go get my nails done as often or eat out as much as I usually did. Living by myself brought new responsibilities that I never worried about, but hey, i'm learning to adult as I go.
11. Happiness
I always think happiness is something that I have to chase and find. Sometimes it's hard to look for it and see it when everything around me feels like it's falling apart. I had to realize that it's always there. It's there in my mom, my favorite music, my best friends, good health, and in ALL the other blessings that I tend to overlook when i'm down. Instead of seeking happiness, I am learning to just appreciate it in the everyday things that are around me. I also had to stop thinking that I could find happiness in people.
12. As for relationships..
Well.... we'll see what 2018 brings.
So, cheers to clear skin, happiness, fitness, healthy relationships, hair growth, 4.0s, and fat bank accounts in 2018!
And don’t forget...You good, You poppin sis!
Love, Cherrelle.
